Tuesday, August 19, 2003
haiyoh...everytime i type setting n nak save slalu got error.....
i give up....
anyways...i want to say to su that im glad i told her. n im glad she understands.
wat i did was a thing of my past. and now im gonna move on to the future.
and i want a future with??? feli?? who knows...
i kid myself to much.
feli can never be mine. even if i begged. she keeps on searching for a guy. but is that wat she really wants? or does she want someone to love her. cos i can be that someone. what does she want? can she love me as much as i can love her? i dont have that much faith in love.
i was once a kid blinded by love.
i was once a kid.
and i still feel like i am a kid.
during GP we had a converstaion about gays. i was like saying that if ur str8 ur str8 and if ur not then well ur not. it doesnt matter.
and yah im not.
its been so long since i really liked a guy. think the last one was sam la. but sam was like...wow... he was like... wow i was really in love with him...and now i still love him. i might not be in love with him but i love him. really do. thank you sam for all the memories. :)
and then after that is lin... and woah..she is my soulmate. we connect so easily and i knew her so well. n now she is so... far from me...
and now there is feli. something i can't understand. we are really close friends. i see her every week at least once. i talk to her almost every night. and i have feelings for her. but im too different now to actually be all mushy and tell her how pretty she is and how lucky i am to have gotten to know her. and i cant say such things so openly anymore cos i dun wanna be burn. if she knew me a while back i would have just said openly and expressed wat i wanted to say openly. if im fond of her i would say it. if i think she's hot i would say it. and when i think i have fallen in love with her i would say it.
but now im too experienced and i have been burned too much. so i sit and think b4 i do anything. cos im not stupid to think that anyone can love me. at least as much as i love them.
--insignificant lies--
3:43 am
